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Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Captive Memory (Story)

“Hi, how many kids do you have so far?”  I received a message from a stranger through my messenger. It is usual to get a message from unknown people saying hi, hello and with so many other ways to be connected on Facebook. I believed that message in the same way. Again, second time I
received another message, “Are you still in the same place? Are you working in the same company?” What does your wife do? It was little amazing questions from someone whom I don’t know yet. But the way of what asking showed that she is someone that I know her. I became curious to know about her as she knows my past and asking my present. Usually I
Don’t respond to unfamiliar people, but this time, I towed myself to respond that asking who are you? His responded my message; “ It's okay, sorry to disturb you. I don’t have any intention but just found your FB and wished to drop some words for you”
‘I couldn't recognize you. Must have forgotten, if possible, please remind me. I am sorry for that’. I replied, " I am from Australia, we knew each other long time back".  ‘Still I couldn’t figure out as there are many friends there. “I guess we were connected before you went to the US and I knew your friends Jiwan to whom I have met once”. She started to tell me a lot of things to make her recognize who she was. But she was using the FB with a different name and distinctive pictures. After she went to all of the past events I knew her. She kept on asking me, "Now do you know who I am?" I just said;  ‘yes’, couldn't tell her anymore. I wanted to ask her why she had been using the fake id? But I thought better not to ask. I knew she had married with one of my cousin long time back. Probably she might not know the relation of her husband and me. I was at work couldn't talk her much. She was recurrently asking about my wife and about my kids, but I became unable to respond them all.

It was the story of when I had just arrived in the United State. I saw a beautiful girl through the HI5. I hadn't used the Facebook at that time  and don’t even remember whether FB had launched at the time or not. She seemed little reserved, as she didn't crave for conversation initially. I had to make a lot of effort to make her familiar. Fortunately, we found that we were the classmates of early age. She opened a little bit after knowing the truth. She must have been scared in the beginning. She looked pretty outside, but her inner beauty impressed me. I fascinated her from everything while we communicate with each other. We didn't have a smartphone at that time to connect each other every moment like nowadays. I was new in my job and didn't get a chance to use the Internet at work. I rarely had an opportunity to open my yahoo messenger where we used to chat and to see her message

Regardless of the circumstances, I kept connecting with her as I asked her phone number. I scared sometimes whether I was only dreaming about her. She had believed me more than what I had thought to herself. She had confidence more than what I had. When I was away almost a month from Internet, she had sent me the message that her heart had broken down into thousands of pieces and slept under wetted pillow every night thinking of me.

As I was a young age of man, naturally we had attracted to each other. I didn't forget to tell her I loved her so much missed her more than what she did on our each conversation. I didn't take seriously and how the result of the relationship would be. I wanted to use my empty minded time to entertain by chatting, but  after a while, I realized that I had fallen in love with her without any clue and without any purpose.  We had been spending our time-sharing our pain, pressures, joy, happiness and all of the conditions that we used to encounter every day. We had continued our relationship, which had grown more than a friendship as we became closer for sharing every moment of our life. I had to go back to the Nepal after two years, but unfortunately at that mean time she got a student Visa for Australia and flew away before I reached there. We promised to keep our way of communication alive because wherever we were in the world we could connect easily no matter what was the physical distance.

After I reached to Nepal, I saw a beautiful girl in my home. She brought a coffee early in the morning of the next day. She just smiled and put the coffee and ran away. I was curious about her. At the lunchtime, my mother said 'Sajana' was her friend’s daughter stayed next to our home at her Aunt. While reading her characters and behavior my mother decided to make her daughter-in-law. I tried to discuss with my mom as I had already had someone in my mind, but she even didn't allow me to throw a word against that decision.  I couldn’t connect with Romi after then. I wanted to tell her the truth but thought she wouldn’t believe what I told her.  I decided  to be away from her, though it wasn't intentional to break her heart, I spoiled her dream and played with her only in fantasy. I could be her real life, but my destiny moved me  away presuming a flirt. I found guilty by myself for betraying her and destroying her dream.

After I married to Sajana, we went back to the US, I received several emails from Romi, as she found my picture on FB. The message wounded me several times and became injured by myself. I didn’t have any courage to read from her anymore so, disconnected with her everywhere. Even I had a huge pile of pain inside, tried to be happy and with Sajana who was my present. I began my new life after having Sajana and forgot my past as nothing would happen with hurting myself. On the next year, heard that she got married and returned back to Australia. We have never met in life yet. The messenger unexpectedly shot me yesterday and tugged me to my past. Though everything had gone away from mind, some memories are still found  captive there, which fractured me badly after encountering her. I don't know why she became curious to know my present as she might have remembered that I broke my word and had been a jerk. I am living my life with two kids and quite busy every day. It happened because my mother who is more precious than anything in this world. I had reassured me, myself and I became resolute.

I found her in my dream today, she was at my home Nepal. I was calling her by her name at the mean time my mother asked me why I called her name as she was my sister in law. I replied, my mom, ‘I knew her for  a long time as we were classmates’. I woke up and thought amazing dream. Again went back to sleep as it was still midnight; again saw another dream and discovered her with her hubby. They had a beautiful life and family with them. I saw them from far away, but still, it was clear that where they were spending their spare time. Despite our own respective lives and disconnection from the relationship, surprisingly  this dream suffers me sometimes. I believe everything has a reason, but sometimes it turns out and gives no meaning on every matter. There is no reason to retain, neither it contains any value going back to the past as we both have already crossed the very long bridge of the journey of living.  However, still, the memory keeps on haunting repeatedly punishing me, hurting me and turning me back to that past life, which I can’t even apprehend now.