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Tuesday, January 15, 2019

After passing a new test!

Life is the synonym of the test. When we pass the one, other stands by on its side and should be ready to face. I have passed the numerous test in the lives I might have failed and passed many of them, but have never lost the hope. I have recently succeeded another exam of my life becoming the mother for the second time. I thought the second baby would come easier than the first one as I had been experienced about the process. I assumed I could tolerate all the pain so the nervousness would fly away into the horizon just teasing that fearful past. Contrary to that expectation, I was mingled with a mixture of excitement, fearful, joy, and uncertainties.

It was the November second, which was Friday and had decided to go to the office as the last day prior to my maternity leave because November 4th was my due date one of the happiest days of the life while my second child Lilim was stepping into this world. I was growing the little excitement along with the fear. You know the reason for the first as I explained, but the reason for the second one also you may speculate. I had little doubt of failure, giving the birth naturally as what I had decided and was a little scared if something had happened to me what would be going to my little four-year son Mukkum. Early in the morning, I stepped out of the door to the hospital deciding to go to the office after my thirty minutes of Non-Stress Test. But during that test, I was told that I had been contracting and it was prohibited to work during that time. They transferred me to the labor department.

Developing fear though was happy, hoping my little one would arrive before the predetermined date. But it turned to in vain as I was sent to the home in the evening asking me to come back only if I got the strongest pain ever. The doctors had given me the chance for natural birth as per my decision and gave me to try two more days passing the due date. Most probably, it should have given to me the blessing by the almighty god to have the safe travel of my little one with the cesarean. I was encouraged to be the strongest by myself to face that challenge ahead but I started shivering when they confirmed the procedure and took me operating theatre.

All of the team were cool. They knew what was happening to me and how to treat me emotionally. They began to talk to me like my friends and the loved ones who ever met me before. One of the doctors engaged me talking about my birthday as he said he shared my birthday one year on his State Identity because of the DMV employee mistake. Another doctor said, how lucky I was as my baby was going to be with me soon without realizing any pain. I was optimistic, confident and strong enough to bear whatever was going to happen, but my body was shaking by itself which I couldn’t control through the strength that I had. After 30 minutes I heard the voice of my Lilim then took a long breath with the joy of having a new life again. The doctor came close to my face and congratulated me and my husband. They gave the baby to my husband to hold and also showed me. I was released from the doubt and my husband was happy because he thought the baby was his another copy. I am deeply thankful with the entire team who made me feel that nothing was going to happen even though my belly was opened to take my baby out.

The struggle during the recovery phase and hospital stay were not that pleasant, but I forgot everything when I wrapped my baby in my lap. He gave me the second opportunity to be the mom in this world. I was physically weak and sick but had a new dream, new smiles, and freshness of love and compassion which was reflected from my face and heart. He was so adorable baby behaved like a big boy on the first day when he born.  I forgot every pain and pressure that I went through and started to enjoy the life with my little one. In the meantime, I missed my Mukkum a lot. I asked his Dad to bring him to me every day during my stay in the hospital, so what he did, but one day when it was heavily raining he rejected. It was so awful moment.

My Mukkum was a little excited and a little saddened on the other side. I had convinced him that I love him and care him forever, but he becomes jealous sometimes when he found me caring his little brother more than what I was doing to him. Life has been busier than earlier. I had forgotten to update my blog not intentionally, but due to lack of my time. Everyone has a priority in life, so what I do. My children are my priority at this moment. I would like to feel and grab the experience of every milestone of their growth. I want to adore their love closely and want to put my efforts for their happiness as much as I can.

As I said earlier life has several tests. I have passed the one recently and still have to go so many more and will do it. I am the one who has grown the hope, confidence, passion, and enthusiasm in life. I may fail several times but keep on seeking the ways to exit from the big door. Life is not that easy all the time, taking care of the two little kids and doing all other stuff. Though I am physically exhausted, I don't go away from the dream of my life and hope all of you the same. In the end, I would like to thank all my friends, relatives and loved one for supporting me, loving and caring for me and my family. May God bless you all!