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Monday, December 19, 2016

Moving forward

I have heard that even the age goes away, but the mind and thought stay always young. I spent this weekend watching two Nepalese movies after an age. It was not preplanned neither had thought I would good to go that way, it was turned on while searching a video for my little boy. The first one
My birth Place Sanghu-4, Taplejung. Photo BY Mingma Sherpa
was entertaining and after then the second was auto played. Eventually, I ended up spending my precious time that I had segregated to do something important, but I let it be because I have to allow my thought to be flirting sometimes in the fantasy to wander around without any purpose.

Those scenarios of the movies led me to dive back my early age when I was with my parents and beloved family members. I had many beautiful friends during my school and college life. It was really amazing more than what I can revel now. I assumed I was in the life of having all of them surrounding that's how I enjoyed the moments. I realized everything has two sides positive and negative. I enjoyed watching that was good one, but on the other hand, it drived me toward the old memory me back and wounded for  the separation of those moments. I missed my family, friends and loved ones and  found myself alone in the dark hole like I am in the different wonderland.

I went to my village after eight years last time but it was my unfortunate;  me and my little boy both became sick. I had thought to see all my friends, relatives,  my seniors and teachers who had still remained there in the same profession.  Nothing  went on as per my plans.The first thing; I was mourning for my dad and we were preparing for the last ritual farewell ceremony. I was emotionally not well and also became sick physically. The weather was very cold outside I even couldn't stay little longer in the yard. I kept on sleeping most of the time unwillingly. I had to move out from that place even without putting a step on my beautiful school where I spent my childhood playing around and started to write letters in the dust.

Many beautiful memories are there in my mind piling up inside, but we human being has to move forward to the journey that we have. We are movable and have to keep on going until our last breath. My I left my family and relatives only after a short span of time. I had to rush away with my baby because the water and the place didn't recognize me and my baby even I was familiar since my birth. It became strange to my body, not my thought and mind. I had grown up there and asked them please let me stay little longer, but nature didn't hear my request rather it looked very hurry to send me away from that place.

I have a great regret for not meeting many friends. One of my guest who was a student of my father and was my senior classmate had attended on my dad's ceremony, but I wasn't able to talk him twice except hi and hello once. One of my friends who also my niece had visited me that night, but I expected her visit next time but I think she couldn't come back for the second time. The oldest senior member of our family who was one my great aunties was there but became unable to talk to her even though I had several questions in my mind to ask her for the future reference. She died before a month or two and that was my last meeting. It saddened me a lot and broke several times after l lost my dad. I lost my many relatives continuously one after another.

Wherever I am, I always reach to my childhood many times in dream. I found myself going to school, playing with friends and sometimes I would be preparing for the exam. I am physically away from my village, but regardless of the physical distance the childhood memory is revealing frequently coming to in my dream and sometimes haunts me in the present consciously going back and forth. I hope I will have the opportunity to visit again. I am positive and optimistic and think that we all have many years to go and will come back soon one day to meet you all and to cherish the life again!