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Saturday, July 16, 2016

Life with a machine

My personal diary

After having a severe back pain about three weeks, I had to go to my  private care physician. He went through general check up and set for  EKG  and Eco test.  Having the report of EKG, he  referred me to the cardiologist. I became little nervous and scared as I had never been with Cardiologist  in my life.  I set an appointment and visited to the heart doctor. He asked me general information about the  history of my parents and made some general tests on the fist day. He said, he had to go through the different tests to make sure everything was alright.  For the first phase, he wanted  to monitor at least 7 days 24 hours to confirm my heart’s function.

According to him, the nurse put a machine on my body and asked me  not to remove until 24 hours, after then I could remove only when I took  shower. I felt horrible; literally I didn't have any pain on my heart but after they started to observe it deeply; I realized a slight ache on my he
art. I found myself uncomfortable to work and to do everything, but unfortunately, I had to take that device which looks like a phone with me all the time wherever I go  because it was connected with the machine that was put on my body. One of my college teased me if I had a boyfriend who called me frequently. It was quite uneasy  to explain to everyone, but eventually I had to tell them the truth that was a monitor for my heart rather than a phone. He startled why I had a problem in my heart as I was still young. I told him, it was not a real problem, but Doctor wanted to make sure about whether I had a problem or not.

That's how I spent my week with a machine feeling sick everyday mentally and physically. I didn't want to work but there was no way to stay home whole week. My imagination went out of the horizon where I floated myself in the grave early this ages. I scared if I died, what would be my little boy? I remembered my mother because it hasn't been a year now that my father has left us. If it could be a serious issue, it would definitely sadden my family. I had a dream where I was marrying with someone whom I had never seen in real life. Whenever those dreams come to me; I become sick; that's the truth I have been facing since my early age. I distressed from every corner, however, I had to move on. I had to do my regular duty along with taking caring of my  22 months boy. Besides that couldn't go to bed spending some time with Facebook and blog. When I am about to sleep; my boy start to cry after then couldn't go back to sleep on some nights.  It is life, everyone goes on this way while growing up their kids. I am not an exception, I have to move on with any kinds of circumstances, that's how I kept on moving with the things whatever encircled me .

According to my private care Doctor, I have to loose weight but don't get a chance for exercise. If I had wished, I could have a way.  I might be the  laziest one without goal or  don't know by myself. Waiting the days to get the result by that machine, I was  so horrific.  It took a long time to spend seven days, I had to clear up my doubts. Whatever the result could be, I wouldn't be left behind alone. Most of the Doctor  I have met  yet are very nice and genuine. They always give a huge mental strength by emotional support. They say; " Don't worry we are here with you, you don't need to overthink, everything will be alright"

Mental assurance is the greatest treatment in life. Whenever we face difficulties; we need to have someone beside us, who could comfort us, assure us to persuade nothing is wrong with us. I found only my PC, who composed morally and emotionally to make me strong. During those days I wish I could go to him but there was no way  without an appointment. He had suggested me, I could go emergency if something terrible came up. I didn’t have a reason to go that way. No matter how was the days, I reached there today and went through various tests; more than expected. I had to still wait for the result. I was still daunted , furious  and little sad.  My PC used to tell me I am still too young to have health  problems at this age, so I was positive on that point.  I was scared because I wasn’t feeling well. After waiting several hours, it was my turn  for my result. My heart was beating faster than usual, but when the cardiologist opened her mouth umm it  went down to the normal as I heard everything is normal. I returned thanking everyone for their support and thanking God for everything. Cheers!!!!