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Saturday, June 25, 2016

The beautiful dream


By Indira Chongbang

Maya is not feeling well today; she has got a severe back pain since early in the morning, so decided to stay at home. She visited with the doctor and  returned back to home and took the prescribed medicine. After her medication, she became drowsy and stayed stable in the sofa watching TV.

Jeju Island South Korea, Photo courtesy Bala Rai

She sank in the imagination where she was in her previous life. Her journey had started from a remote village of Nepal with a humble family background, where her father was a teacher and mother was a housewife. She was laborious and hard working girl since her early age. She passed her SLC in the first division. Her father decided to send her Dharan in order to join ISC because he had a dream to make her daughter a renounced doctor if not a nurse. She went to Dharan and started her new journey. She  was ambitious by herself and thought to become something important to help the people and live the life independently unlike other women. She worked very hard and passed her ISC with the highest score from Hattisar Campus. During her college life, she met a classmate, Jiwan belonging the same caste as she possessed ‘Limbu’. They inclined to each other, helping for assignment and resolving the problem together discussing whatever confusion used to occur. At the end of the session while they were separating, realized that they had fallen in love. It was quite difficult to leave someone in different directions. They both felt that they were leaving their shadow somewhere and found completely alone on the way to home.

Maya was from Taplejung one of the remote place and  Jiwan was from Panchthar quite far geographical distance. They had exchanged their physical address and promised to each other to write  after they reached home. That was a situation where they didn’t have cell phone neither they had any access to the internet. They had to wait for the handwritten letter to know the news from relatives and loved ones. After a few weeks, Maya received a letter from Jiwan where he had explained all of his emotional feelings. He had mentioned how difficult it was to stay in the village in her absence. He had also asked her excuse if she didn’t have that feeling towards him. At the end he said " Maya I am so excited to see your beautiful handwriting, I hope you will understand and let me read yours soon and I want to know whether we are in love or its only me". Maya was also in the same boat, but Jiwan was not aware about that. She wanted to see him everyday. Even though he was not  with her physically, she was dreaming with him. She felt herself talking with him, spending time together and enjoying the moment with Jiwan. Maya wrote him back by revealing her sentiments. She stated, " Jiwan, yes I am in love with you, and our  love is true and it will come to be true sooner in the future". They were awaiting the admission announcement at that time as they had agreed  to go to the same college in Biratnagar for BSC. Maya was waiting his response. She was excited to read his feelings, his compassion and unconditional love that he posses towards her.  On the mean time, one British Army Limbu from Sinam came to ask her hand with her parent. She tried to stop that because she had already kept someone in her heart. She was not allowing  anyone, neither she could marry with someone except Jiwan. She knew, life is only for once, which should be with the one whom she loved. But her parent insisted her, to marry with that  guy for her better future. She told her parents, she was in love with her classmate and he was  also one of the brilliant science student. She said, “ we will make our future better together, I am already in love with him, I can’t marry with someone else. I want to stand myself on my own feet”. But her parent forced her,  that it would be much better to go to foreign country rather than having higher education in Nepal. Her father said his dignity and prestige whatever their family possessing since the ancestor would mix in the soil if she wouldn't marry with him.

The love created by physical attachment is not a love,  it's just a lust, we could’ve that chance to be close and attach to each other but god took me away, you know why? Because she wished to make our love true, she wanted to find the purity in our love and that is what we have now. We can’t hug each other, neither attach physically. If we do so, our love will be abolished and crumbled

She fell into a dilemma; she had her dream with Jiwan on the other hand she had her parent. She couldn’t ignore both of them, but she had to make a choice anyway. She tried to contact Jiwan because he had given one neighbor's phone number where she could reach him if she requests to call him for the phone. She tried several times, but unfortunately can't reach for him. Eventually, someone took her away from Jiwan and became the bride of Nabin whom she had never seen  before. Her dream ruined and broken down into pieces that she didn't have a choice except bearing it. Her thought and mind was completely with Jiwan, she was with Nabin physically, but she was just assuming that she was with Jiwan. Uncertainties come in life this way, we never know what happens tomorrow. She thought it would be wise to inform to Jiwan whatever the circumstances she faced, it was against her will but she didn’t have a way to pass out from. She wrote a long letter to Jiwan manifesting all of the situations. She didn’t forget to mention about her present life, “ Even I am with someone in physical relation, but inside of my soul you are only the one who is there in my heart. I am  assuming myself, I am with you, and will be with you whenever I will be alive in this world. This physical distance and physical attachment doesn’t matter in my true love. Even if I am married to someone, but my soul is with you, my heart is with you and it will never change until my last breath.’’ It was the last letter she sent to Jiwan. After then, she didn't get a chance to write him, neither she received any response back from him.

As she said in the letter to Jiwan, she was apparently living her life, which was completely different than what she had in her mind. She accepted everything supposing something different. Thats how her life was going on, hiding the truth inside. After few months of their wedding, she flew to London with Nabin for her new life. Time went on so fast, without any realization it is already 5 years now. She had got a beautiful baby girl and she is so cute and about to be three years soon. She is not happy with Nabin, because he doesn’t respect her feeling. He keeps on fighting with her, he behaves with Maya that he had brought to her as a housemaid, but she is living her life for the sake of her child and for the happiness of her parent. Despite of the situation, she is in the modern age now. She has access to the internet and account on Facebook. She searched her friends of college lives she found some of them. One day, she met Mina, her classmate while studying together in Dharan. Mina was also from the same location as of Jiwan. Maya was trying to find him, but regrettably she never caught him. She was so glad for connecting with Mina after almost more than five years.  More than that she was curious to know about Jiwan. She wanted to know his present life and whether he married or not yet. Mina couldn’t answer her questions for a while. After insisting with her long time, she replied her and told the story about him.  Jiwan started to drink after he knew that he was losing his loved one. He gradually became drunkard. His parent requested  him to marry with someone, but he rejected that proposal and ran away from them. While going away from his parent, he died in the accident It was horrible and unexpected for everyone. It saddened not only his family, but to the whole village of Yashok. He was very kind and helpful among the people, that's why he was  popular among them. Maya felt sad hearing that news.  She was just dizzying on the sofa after having the ibuprofen, recalling all of the events that she went throughout her life. She was feeling sleepy, but she had her little girl whom she had to take care. She thought it was better to let her watch tv and fall asleep for a while so what she did.

After then, she found herself in her own village decorating her room to wait for Jiwan. He came wearing a beautiful navy color suit and a rose on his hand. He looked so gorgeous and handsome. Maya became so happy finding him in her real life. He came close with her and sat stating; “ I love you so much Maya, you are in my heart, you are in my thought and you will stay with me forever, not in this life but the lives whenever I will have”. Maya scared little bit and said, “ But Jiwan, I heard that you are no more in this earth, you have left me alone going to the different world, I heard from Mina". He replied, "Yes, I am dead, physically I am not in this earth, but I am always with you Maya, I couldn’t be far away even a single second from you. Ask your heart, ask your soul and talk to me, you will find me safe there forever”. Maya became curious to know, how it was possible for him to appear physically with her. She tried to touch him and hug him and wished to keep him with her forever in her real life. When she went close to hug him, he said, "Maya the love created by physical attachment is not a love,  it's just a lust, we could’ve that chance to be close and attach to each other but god took me away, you know why? Because she wished to make our love true, she wanted to find the purity in our love and that is what we have now. We can’t hug each other, neither attach physically. If we do so, our love will be abolished and crumbled.” Maya screamed loudly saying Jiwan please ! but at this time she found herself on the sofa sweetening and trembling herself. Her three year old daughter scared and asked for her, “ Mamma Mamma ……,. She came back to her consciousness and found  that it was nothing but the reflection of her emotion that came to be true in her dream. Whatever it was, it was a beautiful and memorable dream for her where she wished to sail on her own way forever. The end.