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Thursday, May 4, 2017

Realization after becoming a mother

It was during my teenage when I had just passed my intermediate level of science, I had to wait for few months to go to the graduate school. In the meantime, many people like me used to go to teaching in private boarding school. Earning little bit money during the spare time was kind of fun as well pride of oneself to be financially independent. Spending student life waiting for money from
parents and family were quite tough that’s why I also decided to earn some so I didn’t have to ask every time whenever I needed. One of my cousin brothers took me one of the private boarding schools where there was a vacant position. Due to the contact and relationship from the same origin, they hired me immediately and started to teach me how to work in that environment.

I was only 18 years of old and that was my first job in life.  After completing the SLC, I used to volunteer sometimes at the same school where I went but I had fun to teach 9/10 classes of students who were almost same of my age. I was good at math and science and I taught them when the subject teacher wasn't available. I had been considered one of the brilliant students of the school as I was the first girl and passed my SLC in the first division.  Whenever I returned back to the office after teaching, other teachers asked me how were the students. I answered they were so weak didn’t know how to resolve even a simple problem. I would think and treat all the people in the same way what I was. Now I realized I should have known that not everyone mind and understanding are at the same level. I feel awkward treating them that way.

I was talking about my experience when I was teaching in the private boarding school.  I didn’t have experience of teaching and those were only primary school and I was sent to teach nursery and four classes of students. The nursery students were so little, some were just started to talk and some were just started to walk.  They were adorable. But my other colleagues told me I shouldn’t have called them politely all the times, if I did so they wouldn’t listen to me. Then I started to talk with them brashly rather calling them kindly. My colleagues used to beat them if they didn’t listen and also told me to do the same way. She was senior by age, by experience and everything. I thought that was the way to treat them. Even I used to be insolent in the class sometimes I loved to play during the tiffin time. I feel so guilty while withdrawing those moments. We didn’t have endurance towards the little kids and we had wrong concept beating was only the way of punishment and way of discipline.

On some of those days, their parents arrived when we were shouting at them and sometimes punishing them. Now I think how their heart might have broken down when they saw someone else was beating their little babies.  If I could have opportunities to mend those hurt, I would be happy to meet them and say sorry. But it has been a while, no idea at all how grown up they have been and where they have spread in the world.  I realized how tough it was for their parents to bear the moment, but still, they were so kind never ever even pointed their hands for those mistakes that we made. I assume now, someone else is beating my little boy in front of my eye. Oh my god! It will be terrible to tolerate that and probably can’t wait to stop their stick or punch them back. They must be so innocents who just wanted to make their children good enough as per the teacher desires.

I have also beaten many students when I taught math and science for secondary level.  If it was now, I wouldn’t have done and behaved that ways. They have grown up now and many of them have become the parents by themselves. Many of them have found me on the Facebook; I bow down when I recall that memory. They were more intelligent than me as they never ever badmouthed me back neither said anything wrong. Physically, I was shorter and smaller than them but even I was so bad-mannered not with a bad intention but a teacher I wanted to make sure they would pass their exam, but the way what I chose was wrong. I feel mortified for that past but it's already gone never come back neither can make a correction on those parts. But by consequences, if anyone of you is reading my blog, I would like to say sorry for everything. I was more innocent than you at that time and it wasn’t not only me, the teaching procedure in Nepal had developed in that manner. During my student life, I was only the one who wasn’t beaten by teachers, as I was laborious, all other friends were the victim of beating not only by hand but also by the stick. I had seen in front of my eye the way of punishment and learned the same lesson to treat my students when I became a teacher myself.  Anyway, it has been a more than the decade now, many things might have changed over there. I wish those kinds of manners may have gone away and new generations must be enjoying with their teachers as their parents or friends.